Making a silk purse out of a sow’s ear

Having put my NaNoWriMo novel to one side for about two months after I finished it, last month I finally picked it up, intending to read it through and start editing it into shape.

Dear lord. It is terrible.

I mean, I knew it wouldn’t be good. I knew it would be pretty bad, in fact. Actually, I knew while I was writing it that it was pretty bad. I wasn’t prepared for it to be quite this bad.

I’m still going to go through the editing process, to see what I can do with it. After all, in addition to never having written anything before, I have obviously never edited anything I’ve written either, so this is as much a learning process as writing it in the first place was. However, I’m not expecting to get a decent novel out of this process. If I’m lucky, I might be able to wrangle it into something a bit less shameful. But, as the saying goes, you can’t make a silk purse out of a sow’s ear. At the end of all this, I’m still not going to have anything I can say I’d be proud to have written.

Pig's Ears at Psar Orussei

Pig's ears. Probably much tastier than my novel. Photo courtesy of phil.lees on Flickr

Honestly though, I’m actually not too concerned about it. The whole point of doing NaNoWriMo was to force myself to actually get writing: to stop being one of those people who constantly talks about writing but never actually does it. I never expected to be good at it straight away. Everyone always says that you learn how to write by doing it, so it’s necessary to write some crap before you start producing anything good.

I do wonder though: how do you know when to quit? I thought this after reading Neil Gaiman’s excellent NaNoWriMo pep talk: he suggests that every writer goes through a phase where they think that what they’re writing is terrible, that they should just “abandon the book and take up a new life as a landscape gardener, bank-robber, short-order cook or marine biologist” – but that you have to persevere through this and get the words down, and eventually you will emerge with your novel intact, and better than you thought it was on your bad days. Which is fine, if you ooze talent like Neil Gaiman does and are thus incapable of producing any creative work that isn’t utterly marvellous. But what if, actually, you’re just not that good at it? What if you really would be better off in one of those other careers? Maybe I can’t cut it as a writer, but perhaps I’ve got an undiscovered talent for robbing banks…

This is a slightly depressing line of thought, so I’ll not continue down it too much further. I enjoy writing, and I’d like to get better at it, so I will carry on doing it. I just hope I don’t end up like so many writers I’ve run into online: pushing my poorly written, grammatically horrifying, self-published* “masterpiece” onto all and sundry, convinced that I’m the next bestselling phenomenon and blissfully unaware of the non-existence of my talent.

* Note: this is not to imply that all self-published books are terrible. On the contrary, I’ve read some excellent self-published work. However, I’ve also read some real horrors – and yes, I know a lot of rubbish books get published too, but bad self-published books to tend to be a whole other level of awful. At least terrible, traditionally published books rarely have me reaching for the Grammar Hammer.

NaNoWriMo: I bloody well did it!!

NaNoWriMo Winner Badge 2011I did it. I really didn’t think I could, but I just bloody well did. I just wrote a 50,000 word novel in under a month.

*Deep breath to allow it to sink in*

I signed up for National Novel Writing Month (NaNoWriMo) in a wave of enthusiasm, towards the end of October. I’d first come across the idea a few years ago, and had toyed with the idea of doing it ever since. “Oh, but I don’t know what I’ll write about,” I told myself. Or “I just don’t have time this year.” Or, “I’ll do it next year, when I’ve had time to plan my novel”. Funny how many entirely valid excuses I can come up with to avoid something I’m scared about doing!

This year, once again I found myself thinking that I should really get around to doing some pre-planning for a novel, so that I could finally take part in NaNoWriMo next year. However, as October marched on, and I started seeing more and more of a buzz build up on Twitter about it, I started wondering: why not just do it? Forget exhaustive pre-planning, just dive in and see how it goes? So, I signed up. I told myself it didn’t matter if I got a few hundred words in, or even a few thousand words in, realised what a completely unrealistic goal I’d set for myself, and gave up. I’d spent so long thinking about writing, and talking about how much I wanted to write, and doing everything except actually writing, that I was starting to annoy myself. So, I told myself, put up or shut up. If it all went horribly wrong, I reasoned, at least I’d have a better idea of what I was getting into next time around, and have a bit more warning to plan accordingly.

I fully expected to fail at this, in my first year. I got a few thousand words in, and it seemed to be going ok. I got a few thousand more words in, and I started to worry I was running out of plot. But somewhere around the end of Week 2 and the start of Week 3, it really started to flow. Words were just pouring out faster than I could get them down, and I started to feel like maybe, just maybe, I might actually finish this.

On Friday night, I sat down at my PC. My novel at that point clocked in at around 48k words. By midnight, I’d shot past the 50k goal and was up to 52k. My story still wasn’t finished, so I leapt (ok, staggered and groaned) out of bed on Saturday morning, bright and early (about 10.30 am), and wrote until the story as I’d seen it was finished. My final word count came to 56,703 words.

Star chart

Good writing day? Have a shiny star!

I don’t really like bragging – I tend towards self-deprecation – but here it is: I am immensely proud of myself for having done this. The novel I’ve written isn’t very good, to say the least. It’s badly paced, the plot is a cliché, my characters are wooden – but this is more creative writing than I’ve ever done. I’ve wanted to write for years, but I haven’t got anything substantial down on paper since I left school. For the last ten years, I’ve wanted to write. I’ve talked to people about that being a goal, and then had to sheepishly admit that I’ve never actually written anything. Now, when I talk to people about writing, if they ask what I’ve written lately, I can hold my head up high and declare that I’ve just finished my first novel! They don’t have to know it’s a bad novel…

A couple of things I learned in the process:

  1. NaNoWriMo was simultaneously much easier and much harder than I thought it’d be. Easier because once I had the story in my head, parts of it almost wrote itself – all I did was transcribe. Harder because the bits of the story I didn’t have clear in my head to begin with stubbornly refused to become apparent when I sat down to type. There were days when I bashed off 2,000 words in an hour without breaking sweat; and days when I barely scraped my way to my 1,667 daily word target, and every word felt like I’d had to chisel it into the rock face with my fingernails.
  2. Telling as many people as possible what I was doing really helped with the motivation. Every time I spoke to one of my sisters, the first thing they asked was “So, how’s the novel coming?” Having to admit that actually, it wasn’t, was a large part of what stopped me giving up the first time I hit a difficult patch.
  3. You know what else helps with motivation? Stars! I printed out a calendar at the start of the month, stuck it to the wall by my bed, and gave myself a shiny star for every day where I made or exceeded my word target. Having a visual reminder like that facing me every day really helped keep me going.
  4. All that reading really has paid off. I’ve always been an avid reader, and I’ve read enough good books and enough bad books that I flatter myself that I know what works in a narrative and what doesn’t. I know my novel is terrible; I knew that as I was writing it. Crucially, though, I know why it’s terrible. I know what bits of it don’t work, because they’re the bits that would make me groan as I read it. This gives me confidence that when I come to edit it in January (I’d like to leave it to “settle” for a while before I come back to do some serious editing), I’ll hopefully be able to wrangle it into something that I wouldn’t be embarrassed to show people.

I never expected to have a brilliant, finished, readable novel by the end of this month. In fact, I didn’t expect to have anything more than a few pages and an overwhelming sense of failure. But what I have now is a first draft. I have the skeleton of what might, some day, be a not completely terrible novel. Given that this is the first time I’ve ever attempted something like this, I think that’s pretty good.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to go and start planning my 2012 NaNoWriMo novel!

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